My apologies to anyone with any taste or literary sensibility. The following is a requested follow-up by my seven-year-old.
Once upon a time there was a grumpy butt gnome. His arch-enemy, the evil nose troll, was up to something. Even down in the lower bowels, the grumpy butt gnome could hear noises and gurgles coming from up above.
The body owner, a fat man named Jack, was having a terrible day. He felt like someone was hammering in the back of his nose. If he had known that he was right, and that a tiny evil troll was trying to break down the back of his nose and pour snot down into his throat, it would have made him gibber like a loon.
The troll had figured out that the grumpy butt gnome was at the other end of the body pipe. So if he dumped enough snot down the hole it would gum up the whole pipe and end the grumpy butt gnome’s stinky ways.
Pound, pound, pound! “Oh, gor, me head!” The body owner Jack writhed about on the couch. In his belly he could feel the beginnings of the biggest, nastiest fart he’d ever felt, as the grumpy butt gnome prepared to defend himself from the troll’s attack.
The grumpy butt gnome could generate a really nasty, full rotten egg and dead lizard style fart in a second. But he was filling up the lower end of the bowels with fart after fart. No evil troll was going to snot him out of his domain.
When the first burp caught the body owner Jack by surprise he practically threw up. “Gor! I’ve pooped in me mouth! That’s nasty, that’s just nasty!” Jack tried to keep the burps down by drinking a soda, but the gasses kept getting worse. “Gor!”
Up in the nose, the first blast knocked the evil nose troll backwards. He clawed his way back to his feet, but the next blast almost blew him out of the nose. He had to cling onto Jack’s nose hairs, pulling one of them free and making Jack scream like a girl with pain.
At the end of ten minutes, Jack was scrubbing his mouth with toothpaste after every burp, and the evil troll threw in the towel. He gave up and stopped pounding. The grumpy butt gnome waiting for three more burps, and then let the gasses out the back door. Body owner Jack levitated into the air and swirled around the room like a releasing balloon, shrieking in terror as he did so.
- Zombie Garden Gnomes Aren’t as Creepy as Normal Garden Gnomes (technabob.com)
- The Wroclaw Gnomes: Too Much Fun! (gallivance.net)
- UPDATE: This neighborhood is not safe for gnomes (eliseslightbulb.wordpress.com)
- Homes for Gnomes! (lifemagicmischief.wordpress.com)
- Gnome vs Troll (infinitepirate.wordpress.com)
- Chapter 7 Continued: Force field down (pauljgies.wordpress.com)
- sydney075: And time moves on. Unfortunately the second gnome… (seattle-gadgets.tumblr.com)